What Women Want!
I came to terms with the fact that I was never going to look like a normal person whsen I was 19 years old. I had just told my surgeon that I had changed my mind about having my breast reduction operation. Something clicked inside me and I realised I was never going to like my chest completely. Even after the operation I would be embarrassed about my scars. I weighed up the pros and cons and decided that big, no ... HUGE boobs, on a 5ft 3 inch woman could actually be better for me, better than having scarred regular sized breasts anyway.
I was studying acting at the time. I had been in awe of Marilyn Monroe and Madonna since I was a child. Both women promoted themselves using their breasts. I thought I might be making a mistake to have the operation, it might affect my job negatively.
My jobs however consisted of parts solely stereotypical and my abilities as an actress were never an issue in getting these parts. Eventually I became totally disheartened, I decided that I should make the most of my boobs, it is the first thing people see when they look at me and I was never going to escape them.
I became a nude model, working for men's magazines a few years ago and although it is depicted as a totally seedy business there are many areas that are not seedy at all, and those are the ones I work within.
Anyway, the point of this article is that I realised that after all this time, through growing up, becoming a model (which has given me great confidence), and escaping an operation; I still feel awful about my boobs on regular occasions - mainly because of women's attitudes.
I get good and bad attention from men regularly, it's usually a stare, a glance, a rude passing comment. This I can handle, I can deal with them easily. Women on the other hand are a contradiction. None of us are completely happy with our looks. Most women want bigger boobs, longer legs and nicer hair, etc. So why are women so quick to judge other women by their appearance?
I was in a club in Cyprus a week ago and two British women, one blonde, one brunette were standing by the bar. I was returning from the ladies and as I approached the bar I could see the blonde girl elbow her friend and signal for her to check me out. I was wearing a regular top - nothing low cut or fancy. The girls gawped, and as I got closer the blonde was shaking her head in a "what has she done to herself?" kind of way.
If this hadn't been the hundredth time this had happened to me that week I probably wouldn't have said or done anything but I had really had had enough. Instead I grabbed my boobs and began to comically squeeze them together. I looked at the blonde and yelled. "If you're going to stare at them so hard you might was well feel them up, go on be my guest!"
The brunette said "she's just jealous love", She then promptly showed me what looked like a chicken fillet stuffed down her own bra. The blonde kept saying to my partner "They're not real are they? They're just too big!"
I have seen lots of women with nice noses, bums, legs and skin and yet I would never dream of approaching them in the street and asking them who did their surgery for them. I really don't think there is anything wrong with enhanced boobs except for one thing: It gives naturally busty girls another thing to contend with.
I have friends that have implants and contrary to me they usually love any attention that they can get from them. After all they paid a lot for the privilege. They love my boobs and are fascinated by them. They also get asked by other women if my boobs are real. Because my attitude towards enhanced boobs is good my friends don't get offended by the comparisons.
My experience with women has always been worse than with men. I over hear comments like "Couldn't she get them any bigger?", "Wow she must have been insecure to make them that big" and "They are just too big, she looks ridiculous". The most distressing reaction is when my ridiculer doesn't even say a word, she just laughs hysterically as she passes me in the street.
Maybe if I were overweight, or unattractive this wouldn't happen as often but because I'm not, most women assume that I have inflicted these boobs on myself.
I just wish that people, especially women would think before they act. I don't believe that all of these women mean to upset me by their comments and stares. I do think that they are inconsiderate.
When women stare at my boobs I can imagine how a person in a wheelchair might feel in the company of children.
I feel ridiculed, plus I am also made to feel that I deserve it. They believe that I inflicted this upon myself, and that I am trying to attract this attention, therefore I should be vilified. In the company of women, men will often go along with this charade because they want to massage the ego of the women they are with.
I believe that only women have the power to stop this. If women's attitudes to other women's boobs (both natural and enhanced) were more positive men's would simply follow. Prejudices and negative stereotyping would be almost extinct, women could make public bitching about other peoples boobs socially unacceptable and unfashionable.
We will never stop looking but we can bite our lips and try to respect other peoples feelings. We have more choices about how we can present ourselves to the world because of the cosmetic surgery industry. Some of us are going to stick with what we were born with and some of us will change, we all deserve respect, we all deserve to feel happy within our own skin.
By Lorna Morgan