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A-Z of Breasts
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Aesthetic
Breasts are nice to look at. Their rounded shape means that they are one of the most visually pleasing body parts, to both men and women.
Naked breasts have been depicted in art through the centuries - there's something unexplainably attractive about them.
Bounce
Boobs bounce. Big boobs bounce more. When I was walking to the Venue last Saturday wearing my matt-PVC corset (with no bra - it didn't look
right), I realised Ash was watching my tits and saying 'boingy, boingy, boingy'... Breasts bounce, they jiggle, they fascinate men! Breast
bounce is a horrible hindrance to any kind of active sport though - see Exercise.
Cancer
Breast Cancer affects a ridiculously high number of women, and it scares the hell out of me (my breasts being such a significant part of my
life - the thought of losing them is frightening). My knowledge is fairly limited, but I do know it's important to do a
breast self-exam on a regular basis, to get to know your breasts and therefore be
aware if any abnormalities start developing.
Double-D
Your own very favourite breasts are double-Ds. Double-D is a sort of 'key-point' in breast size - the point where breasts start to be thought
of as 'too big' by many, and one size beyond the 'cut-off' point for even the most expansive mainstream lingerie manufacturer (you'll be lucky to
find a D by most brands). However, they never fail to look dramatic in or out of clothes. And they don't flatten against my chest when I
lie down.
Exercise
I've been researching into the best exercises to keep the breasts looking shapely, and it seems that an 'inclined bench-press' (push-up done
facing up a slight slope) works the correct muscles. You see, I want to be able to firm up and lift the breasts slightly. The topic of sports
bras is also relevant to exercise - I've yet to find a single sports bra that even begins to offer sufficient support. I've had to give
up running completely because of the pain it causes me with the amount my breasts bounce.
FHM
My breasts have been desperate to get into this men's' magazine for some time now, only the FHM staff sadly haven't yet responded to our
requests. It is a personal quest for the breasts (and their owner!) to eventually get featured in this wondrous magazine, and as part of my
ongoing campaign I will be posting some 'encouraging' photos to get willing gentlemen to write in on our behalf.
Glamourous
It's a fact: cleavage is glamour. The most glamourous Hollywood frocks, worn to the Oscars by the stars, are those which show a decent
amount of décolleté - and the celebrities that look best in them are the ones with something to show.
Hollywood
One of my favourite rants is that Hollywood practically refuses to recognise the
existence of large breasts. Even the actresses that
supposedly have large breasts are rarely more than a C-cup.
Implants
I am strongly opposed to artificially enhancing breasts with implants, silicone or otherwise. Apart from anything else, it biases the male
view of breasts - it creates a false impression that all breasts can stand up like that, when natural breasts will always hang down a bit.
Basically, fake breasts actually look better than natural ones very often, which leaves people like me thinking, well what the fuck, here
I am with my real breasts and women who have actually had surgery end up more pleasing to the male eye. Plus there are dangers involved in the
surgery and the implants themselves.
Jacobs, Mary
It was Mary Jacobs who, with the help of her French maid, designed and patented the first prototype for the modern bra. She created it out of
two handkerchiefs and some bits of ribbon to wear under a low-backed dance dress, because the corsetry of the time was too cumbersome.
Knockers
Boob slang makes the world go round! If men had anything better to do with their time than think up different words to mean breasts, there'd
be a whole lot more war and destruction in the world! My favourites include: boobs/boobies, baps, jugs, jubblies, mams/mammaries, love pillows,
funbags, knockers, melons, hooters, torpedoes, rack, bust, and cupcakes.
Lactation
Breasts are there for a purpose other than to look nice, believe it or not, and this is it. I think lactation starts in mid to late pregnancy
(though feel free to correct me on that). It makes the breasts increase in size as they fill with milk - this is more
noticeable on smaller breasts
as the amount they increase is the same no matter what size (hence less proportionally on large breasts).
Melons
A study has shown that women subconsciously choose melons
based on their own breast size. Supermarkets were baffled as to the large, juicy melons were always left over at the end of the day, apparently,
and have started ordering smaller melons from their suppliers as a result of the findings. Well, I know that when I have had occasion to
buy a melon, I've always chosen a nice big juicy one!
Nipples
The most sensitive part of the breast. Nipples will often be visible through clothes, exciting male onlookers. Nipples are surrounded by
areolas, which vary hugely in size - possibly as much as breasts: they can be tiny circles or a couple of inches in diameter. 'Puffy' nipples
can occur, apparently caused by an extra amount of erectile tissue in the nipple.
Orgasm
According to The Kinsey Institute, about eleven percent of women regularly stimulate their own breasts to enhance sexual pleasure during
masturbation. And in one study reported in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 33 percent of 709 women reported that they could orgasm with
oral stimulation of their nipples alone.
Playthings
It is an inescapable fact that men love to play with boobs - and big ones definitely come in handy for that kind of activity. It should be
noted however, that breasts are more than the 'pleasure domes' of heterosexual males - when I started the Breast Chronicles it became apparent
to me that virtually the only breast resources on the internet are basically pornographic, sensationalising breasts as sexual objects.
Questions
The most commonly asked question is "why?" - why I do it, why FHM, why so frank? The next article to come to the Breast Chronicles is going
to be entitled 'Why' and will cover the answers to these questions and more - stay tuned!
Reductions
Reductive mammaplasty is the only breast surgery (aside from for cancer, obviously) which I can condone, for various reasons. Mainly, having
overly large breasts is far more likely to be a burden in life than having breasts which you might consider too small. There are numerous medical
problems associated with huge breasts; buying clothes and bras to fit is a nightmare; there are worries (not unfounded) that they run your life.
I've considered having reductive surgery in the past, but I consider it unnecessary, realistically.
Sunbathing
A great excuse to get one's tits out in public legitimately. Make sure to use plenty of sunblock on the nipples though - very sensitive areas
of skin, those!
Topfree
There has been some controversy in recent years about women's rights to go topless in public (in a non-sexual way). The term 'topfree' was
coined by Naturist Magazine in their article Women
take back their breasts. I support this movement to allow women to remove their tops as men do - I feel that it is detrimental for women's
mental health to demand that they keep their bodies covered, as it encourages shame about one's figure. I also agree that requiring breasts to
be covered "reinforces the notion that breasts are merely sexual playthings", when they're really not.
Underwear
One of my favourite topics! Bras can be used to sculpt the shape of the breast - padding can be used to give small boobs some extra substance,
and uplift bras can give even large breasts an improved shape and cleavage. My main rant about bras is that nice ones never seem to be available
in my size. As mentioned under 'double-D', a D almost always seems to be the maximum cut-off point, and even if they do go beyond that, the vast
expanses of lace always look vulgar and OTT to me, as a matter of taste.
Voluptuous
Me! Contrary to popular belief, voluptuous isn't necessarily just a polite way of saying fat. Applied to breasts, voluptuous means large, yes,
but also full and rounded (not just big and shapeless). Voluptuous breasts are my personal favourites (quite possibly because I am), and they're
certainly the most eye-catching.
Water
It can be a cause of great amusement for blokes to see the breasts floating in the bath - nothing can weigh them down, they just bob about
on the surface. In the shower is a good place to do a breast self-exam, too, while the breasts are all wet and slippery.
X-chromosome
Having two X-chromosomes is what makes us women. And although man-breasts do exist, they're really not favoured. Breasts are pretty
much an essential of the curvy female form - part of what makes us women. This is why part of the purpose of the Breast Chronicles is to reclaim
breasts for women, rather than simply the Playthings of men.
Yoke
The yoke of a dress or top is the part of material that covers the breasts. (well, you think of a good word for Y!)
Zine
The purpose of this Zine was originally to make the Breast Chronicles (originally started for attention) something of
substance. I'd written one article as a rant about having big tits before, so I decided to add some more and make it a zine dedicated to breasts
- I'd decided that there definitely weren't enough female-oriented breast resources on the internet, having started looking for them.
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